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Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Subject:can you feel how volatile life is ?
Time:8:09 pm.
Mood: groggy.
by the end of today, and every day, i just feel like my mind is about to burn out
i sit at my desk all day and my head pounds from stress
and the people i have to put up with
and these unbelievable situations that youd only see on a sitcom
and the blatant rudeness and ignorance that ive gotten used to as time has passed.
even if i told you.. you just would not believe it.

plus i hate boring people with the day to day details of my job. i dont really wanna hear about your day either.

im so happy to have evan to come home to... the love i've always needed..
while he doesnt numb my depression about my career ... i dont think any amount of anything could do that...
it just helps that hes there. hes so supportive about everything.. i never thought id meet someone so caring.

i need vacation.. i need england.. anywhere i feel i fit..

not here.
definitely not.


i saw all my friends this weekend that i used to frequent back in highschool.. every weekend was the most amazing time anyone could ever have
i feel so old and lame. i know im only 23 however having a reunion already? why have we ever parted?
ive been thinking about them all week (the whole three days) since i left them

things can be like that again right?

let me know xo
5messin' up my minds|white light white heat

Tuesday, June 17th, 2008

Subject:haven't written in awhile
Time:10:47 pm.
Mood: drained.
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )
white light white heat

Sunday, January 13th, 2008

Subject:crazy
Time:4:30 pm.

This artist is incredible.. he makes floral cuts out of old porno mags and uses them to make sculptures

1messin' up my mind|white light white heat

Monday, April 30th, 2007

Subject:we've got the world in motion
Time:9:03 pm.
Mood: tired.
very good weekend.
shows ive grown.
i think.. maybe..

friday i worked all day and was soaked in the thunderstorm on the way.. i didn't really mind getting wet until i arrived at work and had to sit in wet clothes and hair all day. me and taryn took a mini break together which was fun and we got peter bjorn and john tickets for thursday.
after work i walked around society hill and talked to ross for awhile. i found some stone bench to sit on and waited for matt to get done work. I walked over to his place and he showed me an old third eye blind vhs. we then went to tampopo for din. very good conversation as usual. i think we are very alike in a lot of ways regarding thought process and outlook on anything. its always nice to talk to someone that kind of reads life as you do.

saturday i worked all day again.. this time alone. afterwards i walked down to the church because kevin ariel and bosco were at go for the throat/kill your idols. I saw a few people i havent seen for awhile which was ok.. me and ariel drove to kevs and bosco didnt come (murph). ashley came over and we got aramingos best. mike drelling came over and we watched suburbia (not the giobani ribisi one, but this one was good too) then green street hooligans which was awesome. we took turns on the dumb computer looking up you tube videos then we all fell asleep while watching dirty work.

sunday dumb kevin woke us up cause he failed to tell us he had work at 7 on sunday with papa somm but said we could stay to sleep if we wanted. later jill somm came upstairs and we talked for a few hours then the final conclusion was to go to nifty fifties for breakfast. ariel drove us home afterwards which was real cool of her. i worked on some fliers (design sunday slacked big time this week) then keith picked me up and we went to his house. the church across the street was holding a memorial for lacey gallagher. there were easily 200 people up and down the block on all sides singing.. pretty heartbreaking when people die that young.
we watched simpsons and seinfeld and a million episodes of cosby where i was repeatedly made fun of for not knowing the slight differences between the cosby versions.

i only have 2 more finals this week then i need to write a few papers and do a few quizzes.. then im officially done my schooling. im nervous and very excited for whats to come.
id say my lifes pretty good right now.
i have off thursday and at night me and taryn and her boyfriend are seeing peter bjorn and john. afterwards im staying at taryns and we are going to work together in the morning
friday im hanging out with sean moran and we are going to tampopo (yess twice in 2 weeks)
saturday is intensified ... which i agreed to go to but im already thinking not so much.. i need to get out again though.. ahh i dont know.
sunday is work day as usual
monday im going to new york with marina to a few fashion showrooms.. that should be real fun :)

months to come shall be good im hoping.
i graduate may 12
I start as the full time designer at emoda a few days after that.. im so psyched to have the career ive wanted my whole life
im really hoping that brit is able to come in june because i need to see him more than anything right now
me and ash were talking about getting a place in fishtown mid summer which would be pretty cool. id be a lot closer to work and i just feel that i need to be on my own. im starting to really not be able to handle even the smallest setbacks that i encounter at home.

well im done updating
sorry it was just on the past weeked since its been so long
7messin' up my minds|white light white heat

Sunday, April 15th, 2007

Subject:lacquered
Time:12:21 am.



This thursday at Holy Family ... Come if interested

215 439 8194

Also I'll update on my life later
white light white heat

Sunday, March 25th, 2007

Subject:information travels faster in the modern age
Time:10:36 pm.
Mood: anxious.
this weekend was pretty alright.
friday i woke up with the worst headache and decided to call out of work because i didnt think i could bare it. i hate doing that at jobs i like, but it was the 1st time I did it in the 6months i've been working there.
I relaxed all day and by the end of it my headache wore down. Ashley picked me up and we went down to the city for some shopping. I found the dress I want for my opening so I think ill get it this coming weekend.
afterwards we went to long in the tooth cause the wonka vision show/party/screening we were working for her brother started an hour from then. we ate dinner then just bs'ed with random people there. I saw eric whom i havent seen in at least 2 years. mike drelling came and we basically made fun of everyone.. cause what else do you do when he comes around? The first band was terrible so we went outside. a gentleman who resembled artie ziff showed one of his films.. we ate choco tacos instead. I then noticed jon who i havent seen since we started to hang out after hands and knees in september. very nice to see him since hes been on tour and apparently he thought i was living in england. so i sat with him for awhile during the jerry springer segment that was being shown and very glad to be reassured that it's still fake. the aka's played next and as ashleys brother ranted til 3am 'they actually really werent that bad' and they werent. Christian saw me through the window and came in to visit me a few times which was nice cause i dont see him since i dont go out anymore. people didnt end up leaving til 230 so we didnt get to sleep til around 3. yikes
saturday i took the subway and el to work... i ended up standing outside for 2 hours til someone came to open the office for me. I lied i ended up buying hoops (bigger than the last) in silver and yellow. yellow to match a skirt i just bought as well. Work was kind of slow.. I had a gentleman call who just had a concussion so I had to repeat his order every few minutes because he lost his thought. That made an hour go by quick. Afterwards I bought a pathway hoodie ive wanted for awhile (a week). it was feeling good to buy new clothes since its been so long.
i got the el to ashleys and we went to dinner. chris got out of work at 9.15 so we got him and i fell asleep in the car for awhile. we went to see dead silence. chris bought the tickets and food... sweetest dude ever esp cause theatres are rip offs. the movie was scary and i hid my face the whole time. the ending was very leigh whannel and sawish
i came home, talked to jabo, went to bed at 2 and slept til noon. yeah i know, how lucky is that for me. i think ive slept til noon about twice in my life.
today i did school work. i walked my sister to go tanning and we watched john tucker must die and science of sleep.
i liked both movies alot. i want to buy science of sleep next weekend
it was really nice to hang out with jen all day though
i wish she would hang out with me for real alot more.

this week its just school.. new painting.. tests.. papers due...

friday work then bedlam at ulannas.. i dont have anyone to go with but i told keith id go.. plus i made the flier so ;/
saturday work and thats it i guess
sunday work day as usual

i cant wait til these cycles are over and i start from the beginning.
ive always liked school but i cant deal with it anymore
2messin' up my minds|white light white heat

Tuesday, March 20th, 2007

Subject:for bosco and sean moran
Time:5:18 pm.
Mood: white.
since you were both so concerned with what i over heard the black man saying while walking down 4th st..

On Saturday on my way to meet up with Joseph Sammon I overheard the black gentleman walking behind me being slightly social with his wife on the phone. The conversation went something like:

"no no! you listen to me.. listen to me! .... if you lose that ass then you gonna lose them titties...

...and if you lose them titties then you AINT gonna look like buffy no more"
8messin' up my minds|white light white heat

Subject:so best of luck to you and the burning barge that floats you through
Time:8:04 am.
Mood: okay.
weekend was pretty cool.. saw alot of people i havent in awhile.
friday i worked and it was good to be back although i pretty much dreaded it all week. Came back to a paycheck which is never bad. It probably should have went to bills but i really need new clothes.. havent really bought any since september (that is sick.. considering i used to buy a pair of sneakers alone every week). The weather wasn't great but I didnt think it was going to get worse. After work i walked to Matt's apartment and we slipped to ss diner. We were basically the only people in there but they (eventually) served us before they closed and he bought dinner which was really nice of him. We went back to his apartment and finished the office dvd i let him borrow awhile ago but i kept falling asleep which i feel bad about. we also watched red nose day in honor of it actually being red nose day. He burned me small 23 and a cd with a million fonts on it (i uploaded most of them already :( ). judging by the weather there was no way i was making it home so I decided to call sean moran and see if i could stay over. I started to walk there without any luck so I took a cab. I got there and didnt know florida jen was there.. which i still feel bad about cause they dont see eachother that much. We watched dirty harry and ate junk food. usual night with sean moran no matter where he lives. I fell asleep on jasons chair then moved to the couch using seans jacket as covers.
The next day i slid all the way to the bank and then to work.. Taryn came in so I had someone to talk to at work. The internet was down again so my boss told me we could leave.. Me and Taryn decided to go shopping and started with our store. Of course the internet came back up so we had to go back to the office. It was a pretty laid back day.. Saturdays are never busy anyhow.
After work, we went to pearl cause she needed to get something and I got canvas and stretchers because I'm starting a new painting this week. Joey sammon picked me up and I heard a black dude say the best thing ever which was repeated throughout the night. We went to the nep and got kate.. we were going to go to kop but just decided to go to cherry hill because it was closer. I bought a few things but not as much as i planned. The mall closed shortly after we got there so we left.. We went to neshaminy to see a movie but nothing was out (well at least in my eyes) Joe insisted that we see 'wild hogs' which as soon as i rolled my eyes at he said 'ILL PAY FOR YOU'. So I figured id check it out eventhough this is the second movie with Tim Allen that Joe has forced me to see in theatres throughout the years (at least this time I didnt have to sit next to a retarded boy). The movie wasnt that bad actually.. I think John Travolta saved it.
Maybe

Sunday I planned on it being strictly a work day.. Bosco called and i had to ignore it because I didnt want to be tempted with going out. (sorry B$). I got the postcards for my show done and finished my wheatpasting paper to be binded.. Ashley called and stopped over later on and we took some pics with my icam and we ate st pattys day dinner that my dad made.

This week will be productive.. i finished my first painting (yes i know its march).. and im starting my next one. Friday i work all day then me and Ashley are working at her brothers store long in the tooth because wonka vision is having some show there and we basically have to make sure no one steals anything. I heard we get free stuff for doing it though.
Saturday I work
Sunday usual catch up day.
what a life


School is almost finished, though. I'm pretty excited. Hopefully in the summer I'll have enough to go on my own.
yeah ok
10messin' up my minds|white light white heat

Wednesday, March 14th, 2007

Time:9:49 pm.
Mood:empty.
how can i be so alone in this

its absolutely my problem only so it makes sense
but i cant do it

i cant tell myself it will be ok
white light white heat

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

Time:1:05 pm.
my work was on the news today.. crazy story

http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=local&id=5065510
7messin' up my minds|white light white heat

Monday, February 19th, 2007

Subject:kissing families
Time:11:17 pm.
Mood: tired.
weekend was good.
friday worked all day then came home and relaxed
saturday worked all day just me and taryn which was cool. afterwards i walked to tampopo because i really wanted bi bom bib. i took it over to seans and watched the new rocky with him and jason. i shared some of seans dinner with him ( which consisted of cherry cordials and reeses cups). we took a cab to keiths where him montana and i forget the other guys name were playingvideo games. the highlight was that the simpsons arcade game was present. keiths friends left and we watched some low budget film where the actor died in real life so they kept using the same scene over and over again. we started to watcch a kung fu movie but the screen saver came on and that was that. me and keith went to the kitchen and made pb and j which was the best. sean ordered pizza and bought me and keith funnel cake but i was half asleep by the time it got to the apt. the rest of the night was spent listening to sean scream about keiths australian roomate and hi fiving sean everytime the typewriter dinged. me and sean rock paper scissored for sleeping arrangements and i won so i got keiths bed while tall man moran got the small ass couch.
sunday they walked me to 40th and i got the el and bus. i went to my cousins son's baptism party. not much to say but that the food was good.

this weekend
fri - work//eating tampopo with sean, owen , and my sister
sat - work//bleachedblack with ashley


england next wednesday.
2messin' up my minds|white light white heat

Thursday, February 15th, 2007

Time:8:44 pm.
Mood: crappy.
never
ends
ever
2messin' up my minds|white light white heat

Wednesday, February 14th, 2007

Subject:we're always going to cross the finish line while everybody wants to run and hide
Time:10:52 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
aww live journal did a valentines day themed layout. cute.

Today was really nice. I woke up to a snow storm which canceled school/my test.
I sat in and watched movies on my computer all day. I took an accidental nap during shaolin soccer unfortunately.
also listened to new order on random and contemplated how I need to start going out to parties again.

I started on Masters of Horror and Kevin called me asking if I felt like coming out.. which I didnt because I decided early on that today was a pj day.

I got ready and invited my sister out with us because she was also alone for Valentines. She was going to come out but decided against it.. when I got in the car kevin gave me roses and had a bouquet for my sister too to make her feel better.. I brought them into her and she decided to come out which I'm glad about. we all went to eat mexican which was amazing as usual and made up stories about the couples around us. as usual.

Afterwards I came home and I watched more masters of horror and started on Six Feet Under which will no doubt be a new obsession.

I'm hoping classes are cancelled tomorrow as well but I can only dream


and for valentines day here are the ramones

1messin' up my mind|white light white heat

Saturday, February 3rd, 2007

Subject:hours seem to disappear
Time:12:29 am.
Mood: happy.
i'm feeling good despite working 10 hours today.
For once I felt like staying downtown after work. Matt and I parka'd up and went to Tampopo where I haven't been in forever. food was yum as usual. Afterwards it was raining so we just watched the office at his apt. I headed home around 11 and got home at 1145 which i'm sure is a record. I'm more than ready for bed because i have work again tomorrow at 11 ;\ I think after work me and ash are hanging out I didn't talk to her today so I am not sure.

This week i'm busy busy.. as usual

in a few more weeks england again. i really hope.

goodnight.
white light white heat

Sunday, January 28th, 2007

Subject:i was working as a waitress at a cocktail bar when i met you
Time:1:16 am.
Mood: bored.
weekend

yesterday was my moms birthday so i got her the perfume she wanted... mad $$$$$. Came home and some relatives were over but i mostly chilled upstairs with jen.
today i had work til 6 then septa to ashleys. we ate bk and failed at saving daniel desario from the cops. watched seven and DIDN'T eat popcorn (man i forgot) :( fell asleep for a few hours and watched roseanne.

now im home watching night at the apollo.. ahhh im going to bed

tomorrow no intern so i can sleep in.

i want ross to return home :(
2messin' up my minds|white light white heat

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

Subject:i cant do this anymore
Time:10:27 pm.
Mood: stressed.
12 hour days 3 days in a row
then 8
then 8
then 5
then 4

my head will eventually explode

$7 tickets in advance
$12 DOS
white light white heat

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

Subject:and if it wasnt for your misfortune id be a heavenly person today
Time:4:09 pm.
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23382572-details/Blue+Monday:+The+unhappiest+day+of+the+year/article.do
white light white heat

Sunday, January 21st, 2007

Subject:honey, i'm a prize..and you're a catch...and we're the perfect match
Time:8:09 am.
Mood: contemplative.
i need pavement back in my life again, i think.
i always feel happier when they're going.

i know this isnt the problem but its a temporary
fix
and i don't even go out anymore.. i just work and sit...
and I mean I understand why... I can't up and go after 9 pm like I used to. the vulnerability to the philly night is something i cant chance anymore. i could when i was 15.. i'd be on that bus at 1 am... but not now.
Whenever I try to identify myself.. the last time I always recall is when i was 16 and 17 and then after that its blank. I think i've become so good at blocking things out that i've began to forget myself.
and people have said i've changed and i have
i clear all my time for work and deadlines and thursday night tv which ultimately leads to $
but don't get me wrong, its not much at all.

at least i have my first painting mapped.. i can do this one at a time until april 19th. by one at a time, i mean i need about 10 more. but thats alright, I have the means to do it at home with my brand new adobe suite :)

I do need to start going out again though. I'm wasting these days away..
I think next weekend will be to that. and to new clothes definately.. I work downtown there is no excuse to not be out there afterwards.

alright i need to get myself ready for the day (sans jeans).
1messin' up my mind|white light white heat

Monday, January 15th, 2007

Subject:prendi prendi
Time:5:09 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
I'm waiting for class to start so I figured I should do an update..

This weekend was pretty chill.. Friday I had work all day.. basically by myself because Marc was out. After work I walked to Matt's and we went to eat at more than just ice cream and in talking we walked by it a few times by accident. Dinner was good but when sitting on the couches youre basically on top of the person next to you so they kept giving us dirty looks for our subject content. I can't say that we are food failures anymore. Afterwards we got vanilla chai and walked around olde city as usual talking about 90s bands and design.. as usual. We searched for that new sneakerhead store but we couldn't find it. I took the el and bus to ashleys around 930 because I lost track of time. I asked the guy at the El that takes transfers if an el had just passed and he stopped and said "That depends.. alot of el's just passed" and winked hahahaha. I love old men.
Got to Ashleys and we made popcorn and watched Ju On 2... It wasnt scary at all and in fact it didn't even make sense. We watched the new Dane Cook standup which is actually really funny. I was surprised it was good compared to his last stand up. We didnt go to sleep til real late (for us).
Saturday we got up and watched bill and ted's excellent adventure as we got ready. "strange things are afoot at the circle k" hahaha. I went to tonys to work on street world some more.. it's almost done. Afterwards I met up with Mike and we went downtown and met his sister patrizia. This is actually the first time i ever met her in all the years I've known Mike which is weird. Owen didn't meet us halfway and we went to the comic store but still no Blue Monday :( We were starving so we went to Burger King (yesss) and then I just went home cause I felt like crap.
Sunday I didn't do much but clean. I met up with coconuts kevin briefly and we went to Chickie and Pete's. I haven't beent here since I was little but I didn't like it too much. I got seafood chowder which was kind of gross cause the mussels in it still had the shells on it :( Afterwards we just chilled and drove around listening to 80's alt classics. Kevin picked his friend Nick up from coconuts and I went home and ate coffee cake :(
The rest of the week I have school and work.. so that should keep me busy. I have to think of an exact premise for my concentration in independent project. I already got the first few papers done for my religion class because I have to focus on art this semester. Getting adobe suite on Wednesday :) I'm gonna be a designing machine. I have to design walk for hunger t shirts and brat needs some more out of step stuff ;)

Alright time for class

xo
white light white heat

Wednesday, January 10th, 2007

Subject:it's always the same way ending in the same way
Time:6:19 pm.
Mood: nbkjhjjjjjjjjk.
i am very quite sure i could set a world record
1messin' up my mind|white light white heat

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